How to Talk About Death with Children
Children feel loss no less than adults. You need to talk with them about death honestly and gently, in language they can understand.
Speak simply and honestly
Avoid metaphors like "went to sleep"; they frighten and confuse. It's better to explain plainly and calmly that the person has died and won't come back.
Allow their feelings
Show them that it's okay to be sad and to cry, and that grown-ups grieve too. A child needs to know their feelings are normal.
Keep the memory together
Looking at photos, telling stories, adding memories to a memory page; all of this helps the child hold onto a warm connection.
Answer questions calmly
Children may ask the same thing many times or ask unexpected questions; that's how they make sense of loss. Answer honestly and without irritation, admitting when you don't know something either. What matters isn't the perfect answer but the sense that they can come to you with this.
- Speak plainly, without "went to sleep" metaphors.
- Allow the child their feelings and tears.
- Keep the memory together.
- Calmly answer repeated questions.
Frequently asked questions
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